Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D’s and F’s. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him. “But what about David down the street?” they said. “HE brought home all A’s and B’s.” “Well, David is different,” he retorted. “How so?” his father asked. “Cuz his parents are smart!”
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Little Johnny was considered well endowed, and his Mother told him never to pull it out in public. One day, Johnny came home and put a large turkey on the table. His mother asked him where he got it, and he said he won it. When asked how, he said a group of guys were having a contest. Whoever had the biggest penis would win the turkey. Shocked, his Mother shouted, “You didn’t pull that thing out in public, did…
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Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School Class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Little Johnny’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The Flight to Egypt,” said Johnny. “I see. . . And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,”she said. “But who’s the fourth person?” “Oh, that’s Pontius — the pilot!”
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Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class if they had ever heard the word “contagious” before. Little Susie put up her hand and proceded to tell the class that when somebody has the chicken pox they are contagious. Her mummy said so. Next was little Robert. He told the class that contagious was when somebody has got the measles. Then little Johnny stood up to set them all right. “You’re both wrong. The other day I was sitting on the porch…
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The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, “That’s a sheep!” “That’s right!” said the teacher. “How about THIS one?” she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts. “That’s a lion!” answered a little boy. “Right!” said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She…
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“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…
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Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had plenty of time to eat a good breakfast and get ready on the first day, his mother woke everybody up early–so early that it was still dark. After looking outside, Little Johnny went down the hall and found his mother dressing in the bedroom. He looked so troubled that his mother asked, “What’s wrong?” mustering as much cheerfulness into her voice as she could…
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Little Johnny died and went to Heaven. He waited in a long line at the Pearly Gates until he was the only one left. St. Peter asked Little Johnny if he was ready to take the test for admittance into Heaven. Little Johnny said, “Sure.” “OK,” said St. Peter. “First question. How many seconds are there in a year?” “Well, there are 12,” said Little Johnny. “How did you come up with that?” “Well, there is the second of January,…
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These epitaphs were taken from actual tombstones: On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: “Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.” In a London, England cemetery: “Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid, But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767” In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: “The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”…
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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’.” “But that’s right!” “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” “That’s exactly what I said.”
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