Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Classroom scene: The teacher walks into her fifth grade class and says: “OK children, today we will not use the textbook.” All the children were happy, especially those who didn’t get their homework done. Teacher goes on to say, “Today we will be talking about colours, and we will use our imagination to talk about colours. Can anyone tell me a story about colours?” An Irish boy raises his hand and starts “My daddy is a policeman and he wears…
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Frank has been feeling poorly lately…depressed, stressed, nervous, argumentative. His wife Estelle, who is by now pretty stressed out herself, finally persuades him to make an appointment with their family doctor, to which she accompanies him. After the physical, while Frank is getting dressed again in the examination room, the doctor takes Estelle into his office. “Mrs. Johnson,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid Frank’s stress has affected his heart and blood pressure. I think we have to be prepared to…
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My wife and I were about to have lunch when my friend Brainiac came into the house with his hands between his legs. “Why Brainiac, what is the matter?” I asked, to which he responded, “I’ve been hit by a bloody cricket ball!!” My wife, ever the nurse, said, “Why Brainiac, take it out and let me have a look.” So she took out Brainiac’s john-thomas, put it in a bowl of warm water, added rose petals and massaged it…
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“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…
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Mike Tyson is in bed with a girl, and he says, “My life’s a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a rough childhood, I was thrown in jail for rape, my wife left me for beating her up, I’ve lost two world title fights, I’ve disgraced myself and my sport, they want to ban me for life, and Don King stole all my money. Nothing could make my life any worse.” The girl says, “I can say…
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These epitaphs were taken from actual tombstones: On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: “Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.” In a London, England cemetery: “Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid, But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767” In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: “The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”…
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“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…
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Joe and John, two men of the same age and qualifications, are planning on taking the same exact test in order to qualify for a job. They both sit down to take the test and when they have completed the test they each await patiently for the results. The owners of the company come up to Joe and tell him that he did not get the job, but John did. “Why?” asked Joe, “We both had the same qualifications!” “Well…”…
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Children’s Comments An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” Children on Religion….. A mother…
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The teacher asked the students to bring an electrical appliance for “Show and Tell,” and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy, “What did you bring? “I brought a Walkman.” “And what is it for?” “You can listen to music with it!” “That’s nice, Wendy. And what did you bring, Kenny?” “I brought a ‘lectrical can opener. It opens cans!” “Well done, Kenny. But it seems that Johnny didn’t bring anything!” “Yes, I did. It’s in…
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