Jewish man Jokes - page 5

Jesus and Multiculturalism

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN His first name was Jesus He was bilingual He was always being harassed by the authorities THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He called everybody “brother” He liked Gospel He couldn’t get a fair trial THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH He went into his father’s business He lived at home until he was 33 He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT…

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Confession

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice.” The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!!!!”

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Watch Your Mouth!

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. “I’ll have a pound of that salmon,” he said. “That’s not salmon,” the clerk said. “It’s ham.” “Mister,” the customer snapped, “in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!”

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Kill, but Don’t Rob Me!

Hershel Ostropolier (a Jewish wit of the 17th century) is walking home one Friday afternoon, taking a shortcut through the forest. A bandit, brandishing a pistol, jumps out and says, “Give me your money or I’ll shoot you dead!” Hershel pleads with the man, “My wife will never believe that I’ve been robbed. She’ll think I just spent the money in a tavern. She’ll kill me if you don’t!” The robber replies, “That’s no difference to me. Give me your…

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Conversation Between a Nun and a Patient

A man is in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walks into his room. The nun is there to cheer the sick. They start talking and she asks about his life. He talks about his wife and his 13 children. “My, my,” says the nun. “13 children, a good, proper Catholic family. God is very proud of you.” “I’m sorry, Sister,” he says. “I am not Catholic. I’m Jewish.” “Jewish!” exclaims the nun. “You sex maniac, you…

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Read JokeConversation Between a Nun and a Patient