The Movies
Two blondes are sitting in a movie theater: Blonde one: Hey the guy next to me is jerking off!! Blonde two: Just ignore him. Blonde one: I can’t, he’s using my hand!!!
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jerk Jokes - page 3
Weather Bureau
A husband and wife were sound asleep at 2AM when the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and sleepily said, “Hello…….How the hell should I know…..what am I, the Weather Bureau???” He slammed the phone down and tried to get comfortable again. “Who was that?” asked his wife. “I don’t know…some jerk wanted to know if the coast was clear.”
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Four fingered golf
One day a man with no tongue approched a threesome on the first tee of a golf course. He handed a card to the men that stated, “I am dumb as I have no tongue. I would like to join your threesome, making it a foursome”. The first man looked at the card and said, “No problem”. The second man looked at the card and said, “I have no problem with that”. The third man looked at the card and…
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Bricklayer’s Poor Planning
This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…
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Attorney
Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk, If you have too many, I’ll start as a janitor.” Employer: “It just doesn’t seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.” Applicant:…
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The Nativity Scene
A visitor in a small Southern town comes across a beautiful Nativity scene. It was obvious that great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothers the man – the three wise men are wearing firefighters helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or an explanation, the visitor gets in his car and heads out of town. At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, he stops and asks the lady behind the counter…
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Glad to Be a Man
I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe. I don’t live off of yogurt, diet Coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west. I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers, and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears. I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear. I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And…
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Limericks
In days of old when knights were bold and women weren’t invented, they drilled a hole in a tree or pole and shoved in quite contented! There was a young lad named Herkin who was always jerkin his gherkin His mother said “Herkin, stop jerkin your gherkin, your gherkin’s for ferkin, Herkin!
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Best Friends
After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet, country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her skirt. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car and stomped home. That night she wrote in her diary, “A girl’s best friends are her own two legs.” On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up…
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I’m cumming!
A worker on a construction site of a high rise building climbed all the way to the top of the building before realizing that he needed a second pair of hands to accomplish the task he had in mind. Not wanting to climb all the way back down, and also realizing that no one would hear him if he yelled, he signaled to the foreman on the ground. He pointed first to himself, then his knee, and then the foreman,…
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