The Definition Of Indefinitely
Q. What’s the definition of Indefinitely? A. When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you’re Indefinitely.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ins Jokes - page 125
Mechanical Wonders
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. “I’m afraid not, Sir,” the clerk told him, apologetically, “but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.” Skeptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted 50 cents, stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine…
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Cynic’s Dictionary
ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…
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F___ing Rich
A Blonde from Kentucky was really poor. She was working 2 jobs, just to keep her and her 3 kids alive. She was always telling everybody that she wished that she was fucking rich, instead of fucking poor. One day while walking home from work she found an old lamp along side of the road, when she pulled the cork out, here came a genie. He was so happy he said,” I’ll grant you one wish if you let me…
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Special Perks
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day, as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man, casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt, got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she said in a scolding manner, “Dressed a little casually today, aren’t we?” The man replied, “That’s one benefit of owning the company!”
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Who does Monica think she is?
I noticed some interesting things about Monica Lewinsky: – Nobody would know about her if it weren’t for Bill – She sucks – She blows – She’s bloated – She’s the focus of a huge legal battle – She’ll go down in a heartbeat Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?
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You Know Your Getting Older When…
1. You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions. 2. You get winded playing checkers. 3. You need a fire permit to light all of the birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out. 4. You order Geritol on the rocks. 5. You sink your teeth into a thick steak and they stay there. 6. You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again. 7. You don’t need an alarm clock to get up…
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Crashing
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation. While walking, the…
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Poisoned Watermelons
Every morning the local farmer noticed someone had been in his watermelon patch during the night. Unable to stay up and catch them and unwilling to tolerate the constant loss, he put up a sign that said: WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH A STRONG POISON The next morning he went out to inspect his watermelon patch and found that his sign had been altered. It now said: WARNING! TWO OF THESE WATERMELONS HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH…
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Sour Confession
Harry confessed to the priest, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, I was with 7 different women last night.” The priest said, “Take seven lemons and eat them.” Harry said, “Will that cleanse me of my sins?” “No,” the priest replied. “But it will get that silly grin off of your face.”
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