Ing Jokes - page 10

The Painting

One day, there was a blonde in a museum looking at the paintings, when she noticed one that made her speechless, as she stared studying it very closely, she assumed it to be a Picasso, but then a guy knocked her out of the way and starting combing his hair in front of it.

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Maria’s Wedding Night

The Italian virgin Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her: “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.” So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s…

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guessing game

One day during class, the teacher decided to play a guessing game with her students. She said, “I’ll hold something behind my back, give a couple of clues, and whoever guesses what it will win lunch on me.” “Okay,” the teacher said, “the first item is round, red, and has seeds.” Katie raised her hand said, “Is it an apple?” “Sorry Katie it’s not an apple, it’s a tomato, but I like the way your thinking.” “The second object is…

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Husband Tracking

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their lives at home when the subject of flighty husbands came up. “It’s unbelievable,” one woman says. “I can never figure out where he goes at night.” “I know exactly what you mean,” says the other woman. “One second he’s in the house, and the next he’s gone without a trace.” “Well,” says a woman eavesdropping nearby. “I always know where my husband is.” “How do you manage that?” the other…

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Rolling…

A man is in a grocery store, just strolling around. And after a few minutes a clerk sees him and goes to ask if he can give him any assistance. The man replies, “No thanks, I’m just here to buy some tampons for my wife…” So the clerk leaves him alone and returns to his till. A while later the same man walks up to the till carrying a big bag of cotton, and some string. So the clerk asks,…

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Male Bashing

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to…

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