Hole 2 Jokes - page 5

Top ten things that sound dirty–office,golf,law

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren’t: 10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!! 5. HMMMMMMMM….I think it’s out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. 3. It’s an entry-level position. 2. When do you think…

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Read JokeTop ten things that sound dirty–office,golf,law

Santa’s Bitter

T’was the night before Chrismas – Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – whad do i hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudoph got drunk and goosed all the…

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Baby Boomers — Then and Now

Then: Killer Weed Now: Weed Killer Then: Being caught w/Hustler magazine Now: Being caught BY Hustler magazine Then: The Grateful Dead Now: Dr. Kevorkian Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint Now: Getting a new hip joint Then: Moving to California because it’s cool Now: Moving to California because it’s warm Then: Peace Sign Now: Mercedes Logo Then: OJ, cutting & slashing Now: OJ, cutting & slashing Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Acid rock Now: Acid…

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Don’t get stuck!

A guy was driving his car down an old country road, when he ran right into a big mud hole and got his car stuck. Just so happens a farmer comes along on his tractor and says,” Hey stranger, I’ll pull you out for $20.00.” Well the guy had no choice, so he motioned to the farmer to go ahead. After the farmer had pulled the car out and had it on dry ground again, the guy says, “For as…

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GOD’S AXE

One day, little 6-year-old Eddie walked into the bathroom just as his mother was stepping out of the shower. He could not remember ever seeing her without clothes on. So when his father came home that evening, Eddie took him aside and told him what had happened. “It was scary, Daddy, she doesn’t have a weenie like we do. . .just a big hairy slit between her legs.” “Yes, that’s true, Eddie”, said his father, trying to think of a…

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You know you’re from Canada when …

Canadian Funnies You know you’re from Canada when … 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. 4. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. 5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. 6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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Lil’ Johnny on Politics

Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future.…

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Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up

Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You…

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