Hey mom Jokes - page 7

A Better Perspective

Last week I went to a seminar called “Stress and Disease” by Dr. Nicholas Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those ‘TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT’ days, try this: On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Better Perspective

Debbie Doesn’t Do Donald

While Debbie is having last-minute discussions with the caterer for her wedding reception, she takes her mother aside and asks her to buy a long lacy black negligee, and to pack it carefully in her suitcase for the honeymoon trip to follow. Unfortunately, Mom has so many other arrangements to take care of that she forgets Debbie’s specific requests, buys a short pink nightie, and throws it into the suitcase. Because Debbie and her bridegroom Donald have not been intimate,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDebbie Doesn’t Do Donald

Endangered Meal

One day this guy is sitting on a park bench eating a bald eagle. A cop comes by and says..”Hey fella…What do you think you are doing? That is an endangered species! You can’t kill it and eat it!” The cop arrests him and takes him to jail… The next day he goes to court and the judge says, “Sir, do you realize that a bald eagle is an endangered species and you can spend up to 5 years in…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeEndangered Meal

Cattle Ranch

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeCattle Ranch

The Blushing Immigrant

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.” “That’s odd,” her companion replies, “but if we are going to live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor, and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” she says. The vendor is only…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Blushing Immigrant

Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second^2 takes over. Cartoon Law II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCartoon Laws

Women are from Venus?

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here is a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. __________________________________ In-class Assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeWomen are from Venus?

Actual quotes from the witness stand:

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeActual quotes from the witness stand:

Cruel Old Biddies

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old ladies said, “We bet we can tell how old you are.” The old man said there ain’t no way you can guess it. One of the old ladies said: “Sure we can. Drop your pants!” He did. The three ladies looked at him for a few moments and then the other lady said, “Take off your…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCruel Old Biddies

Religious Thoughts

The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeReligious Thoughts