Hey mom Jokes - page 18

Discipline

Little Jimmy was always a troublemaker in school, and he had been kicked out of every public school in town except one. His mother was exasperated with Jimmy, so she sent him to the last public school telling him if he didn’t behave he’d have to go to private school. Sure enough after one day, the principle called Jimmy’s mother and told her not to bring Jimmy back the next day for school. Jimmy’s mother decided to go ahead and…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeDiscipline

Dividing Nuts

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDividing Nuts

What’s screwin’?

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his father, “Pa, what’s screwin’?” “Ma! Get out here! Jr. wants to know what screwin’ is.” So she gets undressed and sprawls out on the bed. The father turns to Johnny and says, “See that there hole between your mom’s legs? Watch this!” So they go at it and Little Johnny’s sister walks in. “Johnny, what are they doin’?” “Them’s screwin’.” Johnny said. “What’s screwin’ Johnny?” she asked. “Well,” said…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeWhat’s screwin’?

From the BUTTS of Babes…….

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrated. My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeFrom the BUTTS of Babes…….

The Hero

Joe is at the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafing through his files to see if Joe is worthy of entry. “Joe,” says St. Pete, “I can’t see that you’ve done anything really bad in your life but I can’t see that you’ve done anything really good that would qualify you for Heaven. Can you tell me ANY good deed you’ve ever done?” Joe thinks for a moment and says “Sure. I was driving through…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThe Hero

ice cream

I was in an ice cream parlor with my friend the other day, Sunday I believe. We watched as a very old limozine pulled up front and parked. A lovely older lady and a small young female ,about 6 years old got out and walked into the parlor. The well dressed older lady asked the young girl what kind of ice cream did she want for her birthday party? The young girl replied ‘Chocolate”. The young man behind the counter…

(1)Loading...

Read Jokeice cream

Eight-year-olds Define Love

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s love.” “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.” “Love is…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeEight-year-olds Define Love

Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.” The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeLittle Johnny

Little Johnny Wants a Watch

Little Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. “Did you get that for your birthday?” he asked. “Nope,” Jimmy replied. “Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Little Johnny asked. “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeLittle Johnny Wants a Watch

Biker Gang

A gang of bikers walk into a bar and orders a few drinks each. After 10 minutes or so, one of them notices a small man, in his 30’s, slightly overweight and balding. He whispers to the others, and they all start to walk slowly over to the table at which he is sitting. Finding him vulnerable and defenseless, they begin to tease him. Some poke him with their forks, others drop their cigarettes into his coffee, all the while…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBiker Gang