Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face. “Doctor,” he says, “You’ve got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?” “Yes,” the doctor replies. “Well, they’ve suddenly gone away,” Murray says. “So, what’s the problem?” “I think I’m going deaf.”
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These two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in the morning. They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when along comes a policeman. The first drunk pipes up, “Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has left yet.” To which the policeman replies “Of course it has. It’s 4:00 in the morning.” The second drunk then weighs in and says, “Sorry, sir, but…
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A newfie and a black man were both admiring their newborn babies at the hospital nursery. The newfie looks at the black guy and says, “Can I ask you a question?” The black guy says sure so the newfie says, “This is our 2nd child. We really want a black child but they keep turning out white.” The black guy looks at the white newfie and says, “So what is your question?” Newfie says, “Well what are we doing wrong?”…
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There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first. The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To…
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A farmer walked out to the edge of his feilds and summoned his two sons. When they finally arrived back at the farm house, the father told his sons that he wanted to teach them a lesson about honesty and integrity. The two boys listened with interest. “When George Washington was a young man” he said “George chopped down a cherry tree. His father asked George who had chopped down the the cherry tree, and because he was honest his…
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Just in case we need any additional proof that the “bozo index” is at all time highs (and going higher), consider these for-real label instructions on consumer goods: ************************************* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that…
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1. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food… She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. ” —————– 2. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Some where I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?” —————– 3. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.…
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A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.” The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve…
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A carpet layer had worked all day installing wall-to-wall carpeting. He noticed a lump under the carpet in the middle of the living room, he felt his shirt pocket for his cigarettes–they were gone. He was not about to pull the carpet back up, so he went outside for a two-by-four. Stamping down cigarettes with it would be easy. Once the lump was smoothed, the man gathered up his tools and carried them to his truck. Then two things happened…
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Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant’s owner waited nervously for the clerics’ reactions. “Quick, Man,” he whispered to the waiter, “what did they say?” “Nothing,” replied the waiter. “They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.”
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