Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
There’s a man walking home alone at night, and there is a “BUMP…BUMP…BUMP” behind him. He walks faster and looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging it’s way down the middle of the street towards him… “BUMP … BUMP…BUMP…” The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door… locks it…and the coffin crashes through his door and…
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Four surgeons were sitting around a table, talking about which type of people they like to operate on. “I like to operate on librarians,” says the first one. “When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order.” “I like to operate on accountants,” said the second one. “When you open them up, they are in numerical order.” “I like to operate on engineers.” said the third one. “They will understand if you end up with some extra parts.” The…
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Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering–have you ever cheated on me?” Becky replies, “Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question….” “Yes, Beck, I really want to know. Please…” “Well, all right. Yes, 3 times…” “Three? Well, when were they?” he asked. “Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old, and you really wanted to start that business on…
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15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 11. Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, “Look Ma! It’s Elvis!” 10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 9. After 100 years of trying,…
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There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, “John, John, this is Martha. Do…
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A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” “Well,” she replied, “since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions.” “What? How could you?” “Let me tell you about it,” she said. “The first time was back when…
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Three boys save President Bush’s life. President Bush says to them, “Boys, you can have anything your little hearts desire.” The first boy asks for a Game Boy and every game ever made for it. President Bush says, “You got, little man.” The second boy asks for a Playstation 2 and a pony. President Bush says, “You’ll have ’em by tommorow.” The third boy asks for a wheelchair with a built-in Playstation and freezer. President Bush asks the boy, “Why…
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Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies: Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one…
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10. Your car can actually go airborn when driving over hills at high speeds. 9. Never flip off the elderly, they may have heart conditions. 8. If you see a pedestrian crossing the road, do not speed up and take bets on whether they will make it or if they will have to run back. 7. If you have little kids in the car and you see a rabbit hopping across the road, do not speed up and say “wow…
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In an attempt to flee the hard life in their homeland, a group of twenty Cubans secretly left Cuba on a small boat and set sail for Miami. Along the way, the oldest Cuban suffered a serious heart attack. As he lay gasping for breath, the old man made this request to his fellow Cubans, “Please, my friends, I wish to hold in my hands the flag of my beloved Cuba and kiss it before I breathe my last.” So…
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