Har Jokes - page 83

Mom and Catsup

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. “It’s the Minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she said to him, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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Sour Confession

Harry confessed to the priest, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, I was with 7 different women last night.” The priest said, “Take seven lemons and eat them.” Harry said, “Will that cleanse me of my sins?” “No,” the priest replied. “But it will get that silly grin off of your face.”

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Biggest I’ve Ever Had!

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent, and the three wives stayed in the other. Around 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “WOW! UNBELIEVABLE!” Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?” Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife!” “How come?” “To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my entire life!” After a pause, Bill said, “Do…

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The bat

This one bat returned from a long hard day’s work of collecting blood. Upon his return to the bat cave, he proceeded to hang from his perch whereupon a group of his friends noticed the blood from around his mouth. They approached him and continually badgered him to tell the others where he got that blood. Although he was exhausted, he finally agreed to show the other bats where he got the blood under the condition that the other bats…

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I Like Monkeys

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in…

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Horseback Riding

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even…

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Practical joke

This isn’t exactly a joke in itself, but it’s a PRACTICAL JOKE you can pull on your friends and fellow “onliners”. Tell them to click on the following web site: http:adam.cheshire.net~bcdlepisto What will happen, is the person who does so will have to click 88 TIMES to exit that site! The only other way to exit it, is to TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER! It’s 100% harmless and doesn’t contain a virus, or anything like that. Try it yourself, and have…

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The Wish

A man was digging in his garden, when he came across a rare lamp. He was rubbing it, when a genie pops out and tells him, “You will be granted three wishes for letting me out of my lamp. But I warn you, whatever you wish for, your enemy will get double.” So it just happens that his worst enemy is his next-door neighbor. So the man thinks and says, “I wish I had a ten-story mansion!” So he gets…

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Three Three Explorers Meet The Cannibals

Three famous explorers, Dr. Smith, Dr. Doe and Dr. Jones, were on an anthropological excursion into the deepest jungle of Borneo when they were captured by a tribe of head-hunting cannibals. When the three captive explorers were brought into the village, the cannibals’ chief told them, “You all trespassers! We no like trespassers. We eat trespassers. But we very fair. You three take test first. If you pass test, you go away alive. But if you fail, you lose head…

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