Handicap Jokes - page 2

In Your Dreams, Buddy

THE PERFECT WOMAN 1. I wanna swallow it all…I love the taste. 2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? 3. I’m bored. Wanna shave my pussy? 4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5. That was a great fart. Do another. 6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7. You’re soooo sexy when you’re hungover. 8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 9. Let’s subscribe…

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Would Eye

A man needs to get an artificial eye due to a work injury. The eye doctor shows him a glass eye and a wooden eye. He can only afford the wooden eye so he buys it. He is embarassed to have a wooden eye and doesn’t socialize. He hears of a handicap dance and desides that he would risk going, thinking that no one would make fun of him at the dance since they have disabilities too. When he gets…

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Why the hell?

Why the hell do they have a handicapped spot in front of a skating rink? Why the hell do news reporters have wise ass comments after a funny news story? Why the hell do they show the daytime Emmys at night?

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In one hour…

So there was this man who was quite capable, and was looking for a job. His only problem was, …. ….well he didn’t have (ahem..) .. balls- which bothered him a lot. Finally he got a job in a Govt office. When his boss found about his handicap, he not only consoled him but told him that though the office timings are 9:30 AM to 5:30 PM, but he may come at 11:00 AM, which he accepted gladly, without bothering…

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Thoughts to ponder

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (Jared: what do you think?) Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went…

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Saving the prez!!

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidently tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below… Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them, “Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward.” The first boy says,…

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Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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100 Blonde Jokes!

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their…

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Wonder Golf

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How is the singing career going?” Stevie Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf?” Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.” Stevie wonder says, “I always find that why my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for awhile and not think about it. Then, the next time I play,…

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