Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A boy was born blind and all he ever wanted was to be able to see. When he was about 8 yers old he told his mother of his wish. “Well son, this is your lucky day. Today is the last day of March and if you pray REALLY hard all night long then God will answer your prayer.” So that night the boy went to bed extra early and he prayed until he fell asleep. He awoke halfway through…
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There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…
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A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such, they had the right to go wherever they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and his buddy commented that he’d soon have no flowers left at all. Two weeks later, on a visit, the friend noticed that his flower beds were doing great. So the…
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What follows is the Commencement address that was thought to have been given by: Kurt Vonnegut recently at MIT **************************************** Turns out that he didn’t, but it got back to him, he read it, and said he wished that he had written it. Lenochka **************************************** Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’98: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,…
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An Israeli doctor said, “In Israel, medicine is so advanced, we can replace a man’s kidney and have him looking for work in six weeks.” The German doctor said, “That’s nothing. In Germany, we can replace a man’s lung and have him looking for work in four weeks.” The Russian doctor exclaimed, “Pah! In Russia, we can take half a heart from one man, put it in another man, and have both of them looking for work in two weeks.”…
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A frustrated wife told me the other day her definition of retirement: “Twice as much husband on half as much pay.”
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Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce…
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One day over the summer, Little Billy was taking a shower with his father and he looked up and asked his dad what was hanging from his stomach. His dad replied, “That’s my nerve son, because when people hit it I get pissed off.” Later on that evening the father asked Little Billy to run down to the bakery to pick up some buns for dinner. Billy runs down to the bakery but half-way there, he forgets what he was…
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Chuck decides to bring his wife and son to the nude beach one day. They pick out a spot and little Joey goes off to play while Chuck’s wife sunbathes. Being the beautiful day that it is Chuck decides to go for a swim. About a half an our goes by and little Joey comes running up to his mother and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I saw some lady’s boobies and they’re bigger than yours!” She calmly tells her son, “The…
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1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat.…
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