Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
by Dave Berry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”. 3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with…
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A man named John was walking down the street. Some time later he met his friend, Peter. “Hello, Peter.” John said, “I was just going to the market to buy some cabbage for supper. Would you like to come along?” Peter nodded. The two men walked along for about fifteen minutes, when John spoke up, “Phew! Something stinks! Peter, did you shit your pants today?” Peter shook his head. They were passing the movie theatre now and John’s eyes were…
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Just a line to say I’m living, That I’m not among the dead, Though I’m getting more forgetful And all mixed up inside my head. I got used to my arthritis, To my dentures, I’m resigned. I can manage my bifocals But, Dear God, I miss my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember When I’m at the foot of stairs If I must go up for something Or if I’ve just come down from there. And before the fridge so often,…
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Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. “My God!” he shouted. “My wife is going to kill me!” Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. “Honey!” he began, “don’t pay the ransom. I escaped!”
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The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed…
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Weddings: A Jewish father, Moishe, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak… “Father, I am going to marry!” His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Naghila… “Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?” says the father.. “What is her name?” “O’Brien,” replies the son. “She’s Catholic…” “Oy!” says the father. “But are you happy?” “I’m happy,” says the son. “Ok…as long as you’re happy….my blessings to you both,” replies Moishe. But the father is still counting…
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In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. “Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.” “I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.” Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. “What luck,” said…
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Pilot to Co-pilot: We are approaching an airport with a notoriously short runway. When I give the commands, execute them immediately! Co-pilot: Roger. Pilot: Flaps full down Co-pilot: Roger. Flaps are full down. Pilot: Air speed 180. Co-pilot: Air speed 180. Pilot: Landing gear down. Co-pilot: Landing gear is down and locked. Pilot: As soon as we touch down, I want engines in full reverse and brakes on maximum. Co-pilot: Roger. They hit the runway with engines in full reverse,…
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A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said, “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?” “No, I didn’t know that,” the man replied. “So what color are YOUR wife’s eyes?” asked the friend. The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I’d better go home and find out!” So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts…
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The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?” Innocently, she says, “Why, Officer?” “Because your breast is exposed.” “OH, MY GOD!” says the blonde. “I forgot my baby on the BUS!!!”
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