God Jokes - page 13

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue…

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A drunk walking down the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street. A cop asked him, “Sir, are you drunk?” Drunk said, “THANK GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS CRIPPLED!”

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A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…

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Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible.” The second guy says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God.” “She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?” “Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me.”

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