Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Maybe you can assist me with a problem which I’m having with a friend. She owns a used furniture store, and a few weeks ago the store was burglarized. The only thing taken was a big, beautiful, high-back fabric sofa, valued at over $1,000. My friend was devastated, as it was the finest used item in the entire store. Police speculate that it was the only item stolen, simply because the thieves were not able to carry anything else out…
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Mrs. VanAstor was seated beside her luggage in the First Class Passenger waiting room beside the pier at South Hampton, preparing to board the HMS Titanic when a British sailor approached her with a parrot. “Excuse me, Mum,” said the limey, “but Butch, that’s me parrot here, we wuz lookin forward to visitin the Colonies but I wuz just told they had enuff staff and I’m not needed, and Butch is terrible disappointed. Would you mind takin him with you?…
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Mr. Jones, returning from a business trip, was surprised to find his wife in bed with a strange man. Both were nude and looked like they had been doing a lot of hard screwing. “Why, you rotten bastard!” the husband exploded with rage as he grabbed his wife’s lover by the neck. “Wait darling,” said Mrs. Jones. “You know that fur coat I got last winter? This man gave it to me. Remember the diamond necklace you like so much?…
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1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…
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Three men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For her birthday I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.” As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, “For my wife’s birthday I’m going to buy her a…
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A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength born of fury, she dragged him down the stairs to the garage and put his tally-whacker in a vise. She secured it tightly, then removed the handle from the vise. Next, she approached him with a hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! You’re not going to… to… cut it off, are you?!!” The wife, with a gleam of revenge in…
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. Corduroy pillows: They’re making “headlines”! Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Who is “Gen. Failure,” and why is he reading my hard disk? I poured spot remover on my dog, now he’s gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask for your name? Wear short…
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English in Non-English Speaking Countries! Examples of how English is being used in different parts of the world: In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In…
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A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. “I’m afraid I don’t have a husband,” she replies. “OK, do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife. “No, no boyfriend either.” “Do you have a partner then?” “No, I’m unattached; I’ll be having my baby on my own.” After the birth, the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have…
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A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Christmas, and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate… romantic but not too intimate. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Saks and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items, and the sister got the gloves and…
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