Fur Jokes - page 3

Stand By Me

A very busy corporate lawyer was called out of an important meeting to the bedside of an extremely wealthy widow who was one of the firm’s most prestigious clients. She was also well-known for her devoted Christian faith. The lawyer was ushered into the bedroom of the widow and asked, “What can I do for you, Mrs. Warbucks?” “Just come and stand beside my bed,” she said while lying in bed. The lawyer did as he was told. A few…

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Cream

A penguin is driving in the middle of a desert and his car breaks down. Luckily he sees a gas station a little further down the road, so he coasts on in and tells the mechanic something is wrong with his car. Then he goes inside the gas station while the mechanic determines what’s wrong and buys an ice cream. The penguin walks out of the gas station and the mechanic says, “It looks like you blew a seal!” and…

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Politics

Discussion between a father and his 12 year old son: Son: Dad, I have to do a report for school. Can I ask you a question? Father: Sure son, whats the question? Son: What is Politics? Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so lets call me capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We take care of your needs, so lets call you the people.…

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Halloween Ball

Sam is very self-conscious about his bald head and his wooden leg, so when he receives an invitation to a Halloween Ball, he wants to wear a costume that will hide or minimize both. He dashes off a note to Brooks Brothers, explaining his need and his concerns, and in a few days receives a package with the following note. “Dear Sir: Enclosed is a pirate costume. The red handkerchief will cover your bald head, and your wooden leg will…

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Little Red Riding Hood

Red Riding Hood (RRH) is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. “My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!” says RRH. The wolf jumps up and runs away!!! Further down the road RRH sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. “My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf!” says RRH. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About another 2 miles down the…

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Expense Account

1 Jan. Ad for female stenographer $5.00 2 Jan. Violets for new stenographer $7.50 6 Jan. Week’s salary for stenographer $225.00 9 Jan. Roses for stenographer $25.00 10 Jan. Candy for wife $4.50 12 Jan. Lunch for stenographer $35.00 13 Jan. Week’s salary for stenographer $300.00 16 Jan. Theater tickets for self and stenographer $75.00 19 Jan. Ice cream sode for wife $1.50 20 Jan. Virginia’s salary $375.00 23 Jan. Champagne and dinner for “Ginny” $160.00 25 Jan. Doctor for…

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Beer Test

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive. — No further testing is planned.

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God travels to Earth

One day God decided to take a trip to Earth, and as he was traveling, He come up to a man who was crying. “My son, why are you crying?” The Lord asked. “Well,” the man sobs, “I was born blind and I have never been able to see the beautiful sunset.” So the Lord heals him and he able to see and the man is happy. Then God travels a little further and notices another man crying. “My son…

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Elderly Spinsters Will

An elderly spinster called a lawyer’s office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, “You must understand, I’ve lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don’t like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?” The receptionist checked…

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Ice Cream for Lil’ Johnny

Ten year old lil’ Johnnie rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away, Johnnie. You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnnie whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK. I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” “I wanna play…

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