Fun fun fun Jokes - page 17

Diary of a Viagra Housewife

Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Wussy. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, gimme a break. He’s been dysfunctional for so long that he…

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Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. He figures that the only way he’s going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren’t too bright and change his phoney money for real cash. He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store.…

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dumb blonde

there was a blonde working at a burger king and everyone made fun of how dumb she is. so one day she decided she will memorize and the state capitals. so she stood up all night memorizing them. the next day they were once again making fun of her. “oh yeah the blonde replied. “i stood up all day and remebered the state capitals. go ahead try me.” so they ask her one question. “what is the capital of Oaklahoma?”…

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Initials you should AVOID using!

Just a word of advice to online folks who frequent the chatrooms and gamerooms. This is not only “funny” but really happened: I wanted to say, “GOOD FOR YOU!” to a person in an online gameroom, after she defeated me. (I’m a great loser, because I lose so often.) I typed the following: “GFY!” Try to imagine my embarrassment when my opponent very angrily pointed out to me that “GFY!” could be interpreted as, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

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What’s the Problem?

A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old, and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” “My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and…

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A Force of Habit

A woman goes into a discount store and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she has bought the day before because it doesn’t work. The clerk tells her that he can’t give her a refund because she has bought it on special. The woman insists she is entitled to a refund. The clerk, not knowing what to do, goes to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the woman and asks if he can…

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Not Looking Good

There was a man selling a horse, and beside that there was a bench. One day there were 2 girls sitting on the bench and the man said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse but he don’t look so good,” the girls refused to buy the horse. A few days later a boy was sitting on the bench and he said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse, but…

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Dr. Doolittle

A ventriloquist was driving through the country one day when his car broke down. He walked for a few miles and ended up at a farm. The farmer was very helpful, and called AAA. While the ventriloquist was waiting for AAA, he decided to have a little fun. “Nice horses”, he said to the farmer, “Can I talk to them?” The farmer said, “You city slicker! Them horses don’t talk!”. The ventriloquist said, “Let me try anyway. Hi horses! How…

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Weight-loss Program

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…

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