Jokes News

Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes

Jokes News

Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes

Fuckin Jokes - page 2

Office

Employee Performance Evaluation

EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son-of-a-bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Fucking brain damaged. His coffee cup has a higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work; is not preoccupied with pussy 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn’t count…

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Funny Stories

Shocked Mailman

A mailman was on his usual route when he delivered a package. After ringing the doorbell, a little boy answered. The mailman needed a signature so he asked the little boy if his mom was home. The little boy replied, “Yes, but right now she is out back fucking a goat.” The shocked mailman asked the boy if that bothered him but he only replied “naa-a-a-a-ah.”

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Religious

Animal Necrofelia

The other day I read that a man was arrested for animal necrofelia. How do you plead in that case? “Gee your honor, I didn’t know the cat was dead when I was fucking him.”

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Religious

Another Hungover Sunday at Church

Tom’s best friend wakes him up on sunday morning after a long night of partying and drags him to church. Despite Tom’s pleas for sleep his friend forces him to sit through the entire sermon. As the priest begins his sermon Tom drifts asleep. The priest asks the church, “Why are we gathered here this morning?” At that very moment Tom’s friend, noticing Tom is asleep, jabs a pencil into Tom’s leg. Tom jumps up and screams “FOR THE LOVE…

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Little Johnny

foul mouthed Johnny

Johnny was in class and the teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?” Johnny raised his hand and said, “That would be motherfuckin’ 4.” The teacher said, “Johnny you can’t use that kind of language in class!” and Johnny said, “Why motherfuckin’ not?” The teacher call Johnny’s parents that evening and asked them to come to school to discuss this matter. The next day Johnny’s parents came to school and the teacher told them about Johnny’s behavior and that everytime she calls on…

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Religious

ABC’s

A boy is sitting in class one morning when his teacher says to the class, “Okay kids, I’m going to say a letter of the alphebet, and you have to tell me a word that begins with that letter.” “A” She says first, looks around at the hands and picks the boy, “Jimmy?” “Ass!” The boy shouts. “Jimmy, one more like that and I won’t pick you. Next, B” She looks around and Jimmy is the only one with his…

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Religious

Horoscope Horror

Your Horoscope AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 ? Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. PISCES: Feb. 19 ? Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people you resent you for flaunting…

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Funny Stories

human emotion party

A man decides that he is going to have a party and invite everyone he knows and tells them to bring friends. On the invitation he puts “theme party — come as a human emotion”. On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters n and v on his chest. He says, “That’s a great costume, what emotion have you come as?” The…

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Funny Stories

Open for interpretation

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.” Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the…

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Little Johnny

F in arithmetic

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’.” “But that’s right!” “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” “That’s exactly what I said.”

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