Fr john Jokes - page 8

Cure for the Common Cough

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then, a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning, he sold the man a box…

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Honey-DO List

Jane entered the kitchen one morning, reached to turn on the light, and it didn’t work. After replacing the bulb, still no light. When John, her husband, came home, she said “Honey, the light switch is broken. Could you fix it for me please? To which John replied while displaying proudly the front of his TShirt, “Do you see ‘Electrician’ written on the front of this shirt?” Jane said nothing. Next day John came home and Jane said, “Honey, the…

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Is This House Haunted?

In one of his autobiographical works, English author Augustus John Cuthbert Hare described the experience of a certain lady who awoke in the middle of the night with the sense that someone else was in her room. The sound of footsteps going to and fro across the room and the impression of hands moving over the bed terrified the poor lady so much that she fainted. Only when morning came was it discovered that the butler had walked in his…

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Quadraplegic

(Please don’t take offense to any of these, have fun and the best one is at the end) WHAT DO YOU CALL A QUADRAPLEGIC … Swimming… Bob Holding on to someones neck… Ty Lying on your porch… Matt In a hole… Phil Lying on the bathroom floor with his mouth open… John Floating in your toilet… Apu Hanging from a tree branch… Leif Under a car… Jack On the end of a shovel… Doug Lying in your yard with a…

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Answering machines

~~~~ My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid…

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Three balls

There was this man named John who was born with three balls. Doctors checked him over as an infant and determined that this was not an abnormal growth. It was indeed a third testicle. As a grown man, John would go from town to town, hit the bars and bet people he had three balls. There were immediate takers, and when he dropped his pants, they were stunned to see that they had lost the bet, because there before their…

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Definitely

A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?” First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray or orange, or……” Second a little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.” “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.” Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: “Does a fart have lumps?” The Teacher looks horrified and…

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Auto I.D.

Be on the lookout for the following personalities last seen cruising in these automobiles… A Pyromaniac in a Blazer… A barber in a Seville… A seamstress in a Dart… An insurance adjuster in an Acclaim… A construction worker in a Bobcat… A creature in a black Laguna… A theater manager in a Marquis… An astronomer in an Eclipse… An exterminator in a Beetle… A spiritualist in an Aurora… An orator in a Civic… A country singer in a blue Neon……

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What Happens in ‘0′ Years

What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a “O” at the end? 1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office) 1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated) 1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated) 1900: William McKinley (Assassinated) 1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office) 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office) 1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated) 1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt) And to think that we have 2 guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected…

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Dr. Suessing Clinton & Starr (Revisited)

Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I’m a brilliant barri-star. I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? And were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near…

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