Football game Jokes - page 2

Henry’s Dilemma

Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the football game to begin. A friend walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” and gave Henry’s wife’s breast a little squeeze and walked away. A few minutes later another guy walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” then he too, fondled his wife’s breasts and walked on. This strange sequence of events went on for some time. Finally a man sitting next to Henry spoke up, “Listen pal, It’s…

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Italian Moms Shout

Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, “Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna de Pet milk. Ain’t he-a Peach?” Soon, the second boy received the ball…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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Religious Thoughts

The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots…

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Sisters Go To The Superbowl

Two elderly sisters donated $25 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to the Superbowl. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. “I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!” They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed…

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Sports Instead of Sex

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. “HEY!” Alex shouted, “what do you think you’re doing?” “I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV,” she replied. “You haven’t touched me in months. We’re going to talk about sex right now!”…

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Stranded with an Irishman

Three men are the sole survivors of a shipwreck and become stranded on a desert island. Several years after they land, a bottle washes up on the beach. The first man, an Englishman, grabs the bottle and rubs it – and out pops a genie. “I am the genie of the lamp. I am allowed to grant 3 wishes. Because there are 3 of you, you are allowed 1 wish each.” The Englishman thinks for a bit and says, “I’d…

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15 Yo Mama’s

1) Yo momma’s so fat she’s got more crack than Harlem! 2) Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to take a Chia pet for a walk! 3) Yo momma’s so stupid she thought Hamburger Helper came with somebody! 4) Yo momma’s arm pits are so hairy she looks like she has Don King in a headlock! 5) Yo momma’s so cheap she charged admission to the Thanksgiving dinner! 6) Yo momma’s so stupid she tried to study for a blood…

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You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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