First wish Jokes - page 3

Cardinal vs Rabbi

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your Holiness”, said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.” The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he asked. “None that…

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Bathroom Extrication

A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from sleep, went to the bathroom and neglected to notice that the seat had been left up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed…

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Board Meeting

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board, following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the Board Members,” explained the minister. “I know,” said the man. “but if there is anyone was who more bored than I was, then I’d like to meet him.”

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For Show and Tell

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family’s faith to class. At the appropriate time, she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students. The first child said, “I am Muslim, and this is my prayer rug.” The second child said, “I am Jewish, and this is the Star of David.” The third child said, “I am Catholic, and this is…

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Better Not Buy That !

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually went. She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. “How much is it?” she asked.…

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Bushisms, pt 1

“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…

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Bad English

English in Non-English Speaking Countries! Examples of how English is being used in different parts of the world: In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In…

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3 blondes & a little genie

3 blondes found a bottle and rubbed it.Out popped a genie & said he would grant each of them a wish. The first blonde says, “I want to be smart.” So the genie turned her into a brunette. The second blonde says, “I want to be smarter than her.” So he turns her into a redhead. The third blonde looks confused and says, “But I want to be even dumber than I already am.” So the genie turns her into…

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The Birthday Present

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for Christmas, and as they had not been dating very long, he decided a pair of gloves would be appropriate… romantic but not too intimate. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Saks and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items, and the sister got the gloves and…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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