First man Jokes - page 40

Teaching Math

Math Education ============ Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M”…

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Why Bras Are Better Than Men

They’re supportive. They’re uplifting. They help you to achieve new heights. You expect to find them in your underwear drawer. If they’re too uptight, it’s easy to loosen them up. You can let them under your shirt on a first date. It’s legal to lock them in the dryer. They coordinate with your underwear (not to be confused with men, who are coordinated once in your underwear). If you outgrow them, it’s easy to throw them away and get a…

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Boy Gets Even

The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally, he got around to the youngster who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. “What TOOK you so long, son?” he asked. “The man waited on everybody else in the store before me,” the boy replied. “Why?” “I don’t know, but I wound and set all the…

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3 Coded Messages for Mrs. Smith

Mrs. Smith has three daughters who are all getting married within the same month. She tells each one of her daughters to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper advertisements as a “code” to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day a telegram arrives with a single…

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Got a weedeater?

One day a man from Alabama comes to Georgia to get an education. He goes to the first professor he sees and says, “What can you teach me?” Shocked, the professor answers, “Well, I can teach you about the power of reasoning.” With a questioned look on his face, the man replied, “What’s that?” “I’ll give you an example,” said the professor. “Do you have a weedeater?” Although the question seemed strange, the man answered, “Yes, I do” “Well, if…

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Red Shirt

One day an English ship is sailing along, when suddenly a ship of pirates attacks them. Before the pirates board the English captain commands the first mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate goes and gets his shirt. Then the English crew fight off the pirates. Later on the English ship encounters three pirate ships. Once again the captain tells the first mate, “Fetch me my red shirt!” The first mate gets the shirt. Then the English crew…

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INK BLOT

This man walks into his psychiatrists office, and the psychiatrist has an ink blot test prepared for him today. When the psychiatrist tells the man, he takes out the ink blotted cards, and shows the first one to his patient. The psychiatrist says, “What do you see in this picture?” And the patient replies without even thinking about it, “I see sex.” The psychiatrist becomes surprised, and pulls out the next one. “What do you see in this ink blot,…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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Rules For Women

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? SHUT THE DOOR! 5. So many men — so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they put a man on the moon, we should be able…

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Hey, Did He Just Insult Us?

During his first campaign against Dwight Einsenhower for the Presidency, Adlai E. Stevenson was approached by an enthusiastic woman supporter who said to him, “Governor, every thinking person will be voting for you.” Stevenson replied, “Madam, that is not enough. I need a majority.”

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