Fire one Jokes - page 12

Two Missionaries In Hot Water

In the deepest jungles of Africa, two missionaries were seized by a tribe of hostile cannibals. The cannibals then stripped the missionaries of their clothing, hogtied them and threw them into a large vat of hot boiling water over an open fire with the intention of boiling them alive. As the missionaries kept praying for a miracle, one of them suddenly burst out laughing. This made the other missionary so confused by his companion’s sudden burst of laughter that he…

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Irate Employer

Mr. Swiller was known far and wide as a hard-nose boss who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman’s office. Since George, the foreman, wasn’t around, Swiller stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing. The young man yawned, scratched his head,…

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The Big Game Hunter

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other…

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Cowboy without a Horse

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. “WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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The State of the Union

THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…

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Taking Photos from the Air

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His…

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State Mottos

Little known state mottos: Alabama: “Segregation now, Segregation Forever!” Alaska: “Land of 11,623 drunken Eskimos” Arizona: “It’s not the heat….” Arkansas: “Litterasy Ain’t Everything” California: “Land of the ‘Quakers’.” Colorado: “If you don’t ski, don’t come.” Connecticut: “Home of the ‘term life’ policy.” Delaware: “Home of prison floggings and an age 7 ‘consent law’.” Florida: “Ask Us About Our Grandkids.” Georgia: “Going to church? Bring your own snake.” Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (“If you’ve got the money,…

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Stranger Than Fiction

For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed on the ground at fence openings on highways to prevent cattle from crossing. For some reason the bovines will not step on the guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. I need to make that clear in order for everyone to appreciate the following TRUE story. President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards…

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Forget the Ark!

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…

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