Final hour Jokes - page 3

Shooting Par

A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about three hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the clubhouse, the resident pro would inquire about his score. “Ed, how’d you shoot today?” to which the man would always reply, “Another perfect par.” The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day.…

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The Customer is Always Right

A customer was continually bothering a waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot. Then he asked for it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walked back and forth and never once got angry. So, finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t just throw out the pest. “Oh, I don’t care,…

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Bird Legs

After several hours of cramming, Lazlo felt totally confident that he would do well on his zoology exam. He sat in the front of the lecture hall and waitied for the professor to hand out the test. The professor rolled out a large cage with birds perched across in a straight line, fully covered except for their legs. “You’re test is to tell me what the name of each bird is only by looking at their legs,” announced the professor.…

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Confusion

It’s a sunny afternoon on a summer day. A blonde is seen in front of K-Mart in a shopping mall. She is visibly flustered and sweating profusely. People in the stores have been watching her in almost the same place for hours. Every now and then she’s been asking shoppers – ‘Could you tell me the time please?’ She hears the answer and mutters – ‘How can this happen?’ Finally she meets a kind old lady and asks her the…

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Cure for Snoring

A man has a dog that snores in his sleep.Annoyed, because she can’t sleep his wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed, the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, unable to sleep, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it around the dog’s testicles; sure…

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Laid off

A man owns a business and has two employees; Jane and Jack. They are both very good employees but business has been bad and he finds he has to cut back on staff and lay one of them off. But which one? They are both equally industrious and productive. He wracks his brains for hours and finally decides that he will watch them the next day and lay off the first one that takes a break. Well, the next day…

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A Modern Fable

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day, when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do, he…

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Following Orders Exactly

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.” The apprentice did just as he was told. Now HE’s the village blacksmith!

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Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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late date

A man and his beautiful blonde wife went out to dinner at a nice resturant on the third floor of a building. When they got there, the blonde excused herself to go to the restroom. Over an hour went by and the man was getting very worried. Finally the wife came back. “Where have you been? I was getting worried!” the husband demanded. The wife replied, “The escalator broke and I was stuck there for an hour and a half!”

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