Excuse Jokes - page 6

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time. She shows him into the living room. Then she excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there, he notices an unusual vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He goes, “Geez…oohhh my … I’m sorry….” She…

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Here is a great historical instance of out-of-the-box thinking: The renown British physicist Ernest Rutherford was known as the father of nuclear physics. When he was a professor at an English university, he got a call from a colleague who asked if Rutherford would be a referee on the grading of an examination question. This fellow professor was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question while the student claimed he should receive a…

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A penguin had been out hunting for food for quite some time and finally returned to the rookery where there were several thousand other penguins. He climbed out of the cold water absolutely shagged and sat quietly recovering for a few minutes. Then he turned to another penguin who was near him and gasped, “Excuse me, but can you help me find my wife?” “Sure,” replied the stranger, “What does she look like?”

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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…

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