Ewe Jokes - page 10

Love, Lust, Or Marriage

How do you know if you’re in love, lust, or marriage? LOVE — when your eyes meet across a crowded room LUST — when your tongues meet across a crowded room MARRIAGE — when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care LOVE — when you argue over how many children to have LUST — when you argue over who gets the wet spot MARRIAGE — when you argue over money LOVE — when you share everything…

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NUTS

Phil was driving home from the insurance office where he worked when his right rear tire blew. He bumped along to a stop in front of the State Mental Hospital where he noticed that he was being observed by a patient sitting on the grass. Realizing this was not a dangerous inmate, Phil ignored him and pried off the hubcap. He got the car jacked up and spun the five lug nuts off the wheel, dropping them carefully in the…

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evil clone

An electrician, and a very prosperous one a that, decided to go into the entertainment business. In doing so he became a headliner at a local night club. After a while, the man beacame very tired and couldn’t keep up with both of his jobs. In order to keep up with both his job, and still make a treendous amount of money in the process, he decided to clone himself. In doing so, the clone took over the night club…

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Tarzan’s Job Interview

Tarzan decided to return to civilization with Jane and their son. He also decided to find work in the city. This was how his job interview went : Interviewer : Name? Tarzan : Me, Tarzan. Interviewer : Married? Tarzan : Wife Jane. Interviewer : Children? Tarzan : Son Boy. Interviewer : Anything else to your name besides Tarzan? Tarzan : Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle. Interviewer : Jane’s whole name? Tarzan : Jane’s hole named Pussy.

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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At the Company Picnic….

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?” “Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”

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Santa’s Checkride

Santa’s Checkride Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations…

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Your Place or Mine

Two people in their mid-seventies have been seeing each other socially for nearly two years. They have even traveled together but always took separate hotel rooms. One evening at dinner, old Bert says to Edna, “I been thinking, and we’re wasting a heluva lot of money. We pay rent on two apartments, insurance on two cars, two cable bills, two phones…there ain’t no end to it.” “What are you saying, Bert?” asks Edna sweetly. “Hell, we should move in together”…

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3 Choices In Hell

A man goes to hell and shows up in front of three doors. The devil pops up and says, “You have a choice here behind these doors for what you want to do for eternity.” The man thinks this is fair and looks behind the first door and sees many people on a hot metal floor, standing on their heads and screaming. He quickly slams the door saying,”NOT THAT!” The man looks behind the second and sees many people standing…

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Hot Scoop

A gorilla is walking through the jungle. He parts the bushes by the watering hole and sees a lion taking a drink of water with his butt sticking up in the air. The gorilla thinks to himself that it would be really funny if he snuck up behind this “King of the Jungle” and slipped him the old sausage. So the gorilla sneaks up on his tiptoes behind the lion, grabs him by the hips and starts pumping him in…

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