English man Jokes - page 7

Student Bloopers: The World According to………..

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following “history” of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of…

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tribe cheater

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach these natives how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and tells the chief, “This is a tree.” The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.” The…

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Points to Ponder

Some very important questions to ask yourselves. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called “Poles”, why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”? If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig…

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Multi-Language Parrot

A man wanted to buy a parrot, so he goes to the pet shop and inquires about their stock. The attendant shows him a parrot, which is quite exceptional in that it speaks any language you want it to. Intrigued by this, the man decides to test the bird by asking it a few questions: Man: “Do you speak English?” Parrot: “Yes.” M: Hablas Espanol?” P: “Si!” M” “parlez vouz Francaise?” P: “Oui!” M: “Sprechen sie Deutsch?” P: “Jawohl!” M:…

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Speaks Perfect Yiddish

These two Jewish men are sitting in a wonderful deli, frequented almost exclusively by Jews in the Jewish section of town. They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and, in fluent, impeccable Yiddish, asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. The Jewish men are dumbfounded. “Where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?” they are both thinking. After they pay the bill, they ask the manager of the store,…

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Picking Up the Tab

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Jew are eating dinner at a very expensive restaurant. When the check arrives, the Scotsman says, “I’ll take that.” The next day’s headlines read, “FAMOUS JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST BEATEN TO DEATH AT FANCY RESTAURANT.”

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Crashing

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation. While walking, the…

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