Earth Jokes - page 11

Religious Tidbits

Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization. Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth. Photons have mass!!?? I didn’t even know they were Catholic… Here’s to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra A diagnostic is someone who doesn’t know whether there are two gods. Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?

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Sage Advice on Winning the Man of Your Dreams

Sage Advice on Winning the Man of Your Dreams Many women are under the impression that if they are attractive, conscientious and treat a guy really well, they have a chance of winning their guy. But let’s be honest: has this ever really worked for you? Probably not. There’s a much more effective method. It may seem insane, but it works! To capture the man of your dreams, this is what you must do: 1) Act like you really, really…

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Another Black Eye

One day Jon came home from bible school. And his father took one look at him and saw he had a black eye! “Jon, what on earth happened?” his father said. “Well Dad,” Jon started, “we were all in the sanctuary saying our prayers. Then we all stood up to sing, and Mrs. Johnson was in the pew in front of me, and I saw that her dress was caught in the crack of he butt! So, I thought I…

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God commissions St. Peter

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings. “Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?” God asked. “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There’s drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it. A regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex.…

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New Word Creation

A big-city newspaper asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners: ———————————— “Reintarnation” Coming back to life as a hillbilly. ———————————— “Foreploy” Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. ———————————— “Giraffiti” Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ———————————— “Sarchasm” The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. ———————————— “Inoculatte”…

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Nice Guy Test

The Nice Guy 1. How do you typically look when you arrive to pick up your date? A. I wear my church clothes B. I like to dress up. Sometimes I bring a small present or flowers C. I dress casually unless I am very impressed with the woman D. I’m late, dress as I want, and if I bring anything it’s a sixpack of beer E. I take a knife 2.”Women are special.” Is this statement true? A. Yes,…

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Forget the Ark!

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark.” And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. “OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and…

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Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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New Zealand Lover

This is an excerpt from a Mulls & Boot story, set in the South Island of New Zealand. WARNING, this is steamy stuff. You either need to read this curled-up on a sofa with an exotic drink or with a cold shower close-by………. We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.The warm breeze was full of that earthy musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet…

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Three most powerful people

God looks down on earth and decides he’s had enough. With a crack of thunder, He summons to heaven the three most powerful people on Earth: Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates. “Gentlemen,” God says. “I have called you here because I am truly disappointed in humans and decided to end the world. You have one week to prepare your people. With a crack of thunder, God sends all three back to Earth. Bill Clinton calls together his Cabinet…

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