Ears Jokes - page 9

Who’s the Moron?

One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!” “Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?” The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.” With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in…

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Dr. Suessex

This is a story we know real well About a young hooker named Snookery Smell. Ever since she was twenty the men always knew, Where to find a cheap trick or a Snookery screw. They came night and day to her house in wazoo, For the wonderful feeling of a boping bam boo. She could move up and down with the greatest of ease, And she spent lots of time turning tricks on her knees. But in twenty years time…

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Irish Pigs

Two Irishmen Patrick (said Paa-truck) and Michael (said My-cal) decided that they wanted to do something for their environment. So they each bought a pig to keep in their neighbouring back yards; the pigs would eat all the food scraps and provide manure for the garden. After buying the pigs at market both Irishmen were worried that they may get mixed up about whose pig was whose. Patrick say to Michael, “I tell ya wot Michael, I’ll cut the right…

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Kosher Jokes

1) What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers? “Is ANYTHING all right?” 2) Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? Under the vacuum cleaner. 3) How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody. 4) Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam’s car,…

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Lessons from Noah’s Ark

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM NOAH’S ARK 1 Don’t miss the boat. 2 Don’t forget we are all in the same boat. 3 Plan ahead, it wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark. 4 Stay fit-when you are 600 years old, someone might just ask you to do something really big. 5 Don’t listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done. 6 For safety’s sake, travel in pairs. 7 Two…

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Quotes

Quotes to Ponder… “Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.” “We having nothing to fear but fear itself. That, and maybe getting mugged by someone wearing a “No Fear” T-shirt.” –Lev L. Spiro “There’s no real need to do housework — after four years it doesn’t get any worse.” “Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.” –Dykstra “O give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play, Where seldom is…

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Gabriel’s Horn

It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr. John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray. The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily. “I’ve been…

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You got fucked

This guy walked into a bar a nude bar he sat down at the counter and told the bartender he wanted to get fucked. This guy was 30 years old and still a virgin, pretty damn pathetic if you ask me. Anyway this man was somewhat desperate. So he asks the bartender where he could go to get fucked. The bartender pauses for a moment (seeing how desprate this guy is) and he gives the guy an address to go…

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No Offense, West Virginians

A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickupon I-79. He says to the driver, “Got any ID?” The driver says, “‘Bout what?” ———————————— Q: Did you hear about the $3,000,000 West Virginia State Lottery? A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. ———————————— Q: Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to southern West Virginia? A: He heard that everyone has the same DNA. ———————————— Q: Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Charleston, WV…

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Lessons I’ve Learned

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big dick or huge tits. I’ve…

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