Doe Jokes - page 76

Tommy and the Teacher

One day in school, Tommy’s teacher asked him some questions. “Tommy, do you see the green grass outside?” “Yes” Tommy said. “Do you see the tree outside?” “Yes.” “Now go outside. Then look up and see if you see the sky.” Tommy went outside, and looked up. He came back inside and the teacher continued to ask questions. “Tommy, did you see the sky?” “Yes.” “Did you see God?” “No.” “Then therefore God does not exist, right?” A little girl…

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I’ll show you how to do it

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: ‘Can your dog perform other tricks?’. ‘But of course’, the man answers, ‘he can even gratify a woman’. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation…

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Rules that guys wished girls knew

* If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. * Learn to work the toilet seat. When the lid is up, put it down. * Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to find that perfect present….again. * If you ask a question you don’t want an answered, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. * Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. * Sunday sports — it’s like the full moon, or the…

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Who’s Having Fun?

Clifton Fadiman had occasion to visit the kindergarten class of a highly progressive school attended by his son, Jonathan. The children were engaged in “rhythmic play,” where they were following the lead of their teacher, an energetic young woman, who danced about the room clapping her hands in time to the music of a record player. The docile pupils staggled behind her in ragged fashion. Later Fadiman drew his son aside and said, “I guess you have lots of fun…

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Whatever You Want

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, Ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, Ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” The lady looked at him,…

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39 things a redneck would never say

Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening… ****************************************************** 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody…

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Stuttering Dilemma

A really huge, muscular guy with a bad stutter, goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-en’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. Finally, the guy storms off in anger!!! The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?” The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do…

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Bar Brawl

A guy and his beautiful girlfriend go into to this bar. The guy sits down and the beautiful girl tells her boyfriend that she is going to the bar to order her favorite mixed drink. She walks up to the bar to order the drink and along comes this drunk guy slurring, “Damn, baby, you are so fine, I would love to suck on those tits of yours!” She replies, “How dare you talk to me that way, my boyfriend…

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