Doctor didn Jokes - page 3

Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 12th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger double-wide. The husband then went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children but they couldn’t afford a costly operation, either. The doctor told him that there was a home procedure called a redneck vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb,…

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Backfired Plan

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to ejaculate. So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor’s advice. When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed, naked! So he ripped off…

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Cigars

A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. “When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fasion as you can’t tell which one it is.…

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Read JokeCigars

Got gas?

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.” The doctor says, “I see. Here’s a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven…

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I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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Read JokeI’ve lost my memory

The old lady

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ” Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.” The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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Medical Miracles Have Limitations

A man working at a lumber yard is pushing a saw through a tree when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital, where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, “Yikes! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.” “I haven’t got the fingers,” the man said. The doctor says, “What! Do you mean you didn’t bring them with you? This is the…

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Read JokeMedical Miracles Have Limitations

Stupid Questions

Q. Now, doctor, isn’t it true that, when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? ————————— Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? ————————— Q. She had three children, right? A. Yes. Q. How many were boys? A. None. Q. Were there any girls? ————————— Q. Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you? A. I went to Europe, sir. Q. Did you…

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The mental cure….

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under! You gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” “How much do you charge?” “A hundred dollars per…

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Read JokeThe mental cure….