Dirt Jokes - page 10

There once was a farmer named Bob. Bob had a pet snake named Nate. Bob was very fond of Nate — Nate went with him out to the fields, ate dinner with him, and even slept at the foot of his bed. One day Bob noticed that a wash out was forming near the road to his house. If it got any bigger it would take out his house. So he went to town and got a bunch of cement,…

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Dear Mom and Dad, Our scout master told us to write our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it all happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I…

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01. You can name everyone with whom you graduated. 02. You know what 4-H is, and WHY. 03. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. 04. You used to drag “main.” 05. You said the “F” word and your parents knew, within the hour. 06. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t — same goes…

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A hunter was out one day, crouched down for nearly an hour when he noticed this bear crawl by. So, without hesitation, he fired his shotgun at the bear. A cloud of dirt went up, but there was nothing there. Finally, he felt a tap on his sholder. It was the bear. “What are you doing? You can’t shoot me. Turn around and pull down your pants for some sweet lovin’ or I’m going to rip you to pieces.” The…

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A pastor reluctantly accepted a dinner invitation from one of his parishioners named Mrs. Brown. Knowing that Mrs. Brown had a reputation of being an unkempt housewife, the pastor was understandably apprehensive when he sat down at the dinner table in Mrs. Brown’s home. Looking at the plates closely, the pastor said, “Mrs. Brown, excuse me for asking. It seems these dinner plates have not been washed yet. Are you sure these plates are clean?” Mrs. Brown laughed and said,…

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1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat.…

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A college professor always starts his class with a dirty joke. After one particularly vulgar story, all the women decide to leave the next time he starts telling a joke. The next day the Professor comes into the class and says, “Did you hear about the shortage of whores in India?” With that all the women got to their feet and headed toward the door. “Wait,” cried the Professsor, “the boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

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My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally–but I didn’t want to upset him. I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” (Unless it was just a lawn mower.) I don’t know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine…

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