Diana Jokes

Death of Diana

The death of Princess Di is one of those circumstances in life that you will always remember where you were. For me I was at a party. There was a lot of drinking going on and I was beyond hammered. One lady at the party came screaming and crying, “Lady Di has been killed! The papparazzi have killed Lady Di.” My response was “Papparazzi, that fat, opera singing bastard.”

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Conscientious Student

On my first day of classes at Ballstate University in Muncie, Indiana, I took a front row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began . . . Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook . . . I was working feverishly to…

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Fifth Grade Science Opinions

1. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom. 2. Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas. 3. The fours seasons are: salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. 4. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. 5. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. 6. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun,…

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Bobby Knight Meets God

Three coaches flew to the NCAA Convention. The plane crashed, and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. Then he wanted to know three things: “Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?” The first coach said, “I’m Denny Crum. I was the second-best coach in the nation. I won two national championships and over 20…

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Royal Flush

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left for that day, so St.Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, “Look at these. They’re the most perfect ones God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him to be able to…

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New State Mottos for the 21st Century

Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi Alaska: But It’s a Dry Cold Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: Nouvelle Cuisine and Religions You Never Heard Of Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Forget It Connecticut: Like Massachusetts Only Dirtier Delaware: You’ll Love the Chemicals in Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put the Fun in Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)…

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Read JokeNew State Mottos for the 21st Century

State Mottos

Little known state mottos: Alabama: “Segregation now, Segregation Forever!” Alaska: “Land of 11,623 drunken Eskimos” Arizona: “It’s not the heat….” Arkansas: “Litterasy Ain’t Everything” California: “Land of the ‘Quakers’.” Colorado: “If you don’t ski, don’t come.” Connecticut: “Home of the ‘term life’ policy.” Delaware: “Home of prison floggings and an age 7 ‘consent law’.” Florida: “Ask Us About Our Grandkids.” Georgia: “Going to church? Bring your own snake.” Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (“If you’ve got the money,…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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