Day of the year Jokes - page 30

Plaque Dedication

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good Morning, Alex.” “Good morning, Sir,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what…

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WHO SAID THAT?

It was a warm Friday afternoon toward the end of the school year when Miss Adams said to her third-grade class “Give me your attentions, girls and boys. I’m going to write some quotations on the board and the first person who can tell me who said each one may leave early today.” She wrote “Give me liberty or give…” Before she could finish the phrase, little Tiffany shouted “Patrick Henry”. “Very good, Tiffany”, smiled Miss Adams. “You may leave.”…

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crying on the porch

There was this man crying on his porch and his wife walked out. “Why are you crying?” she asked. “Well,” began her husband,”remember how your father said I had to marry you or else I would go to jail for 20 years since i got you pregnant?” “Yes,” she started,”but that still doesn’t explain why your crying.” “Well,” he began,”I would have gotten out today.”

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New Hearing Aid

Two guys meet one day after not having seen each other for years. The first guy says, “Remember how I used to be deaf and couldn’t hear a thing? Well, I got a new hearing aid, and I can hear a leaf falling from a tree now. I can hear a bird’s wings when it flies.” The second guy says, “That’s great! What kind is it?” The first guy looks at his watch and says, “It’s 4:15.”

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Still More ‘RAN-DUMB’ Thoughts

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Don’t worry about the world ending today….It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing…

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Computer Camp

Dear Jenny, Ann Landers wouldn’t print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try and explain. It’s about my son, Billy. He’s always been a good, normal ten-year-old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire,…

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Sly Smuggler

During the Cold War many years ago, a young man would ride his bicycle every day from Italy up to the check-point at the Yugoslav border where he would be questioned by the uniformed border-guard. “Where are you going today, Capitalist Scumbag?” asked the guard. “To visit my mother, Sir.” “Step inside. You will be searched,” ordered the guard. The young man was thoroughly searched and released, but the guard remained suspicious. This routine was repeated every day for several…

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Getting Divorced for the Kids’ Sake

Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce…

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Claim Ticket

One day, George was cleaning out the attic and in one box, he found a claim ticket for a pair of shoes at the local shoe repair shop. What caught his attention was the date on the claim ticket which read June 30, 1989 – nearly ten years ago. Amused by his discovery, George went downstairs and showed the claim ticket to his wife Martha. Scrutinizing the piece of paper, Martha remarked, “Hmmm, I can’t recall if I had any…

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