Dang son Jokes

Employee Performance Evaluation

EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son-of-a-bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only has half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Fucking brain damaged. His coffee cup has a higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work; is not preoccupied with pussy 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn’t count…

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Some Old, Some New, All Bad

Q: What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? A: One says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.” The other says, “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe.” Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with…. the other is used to carry groceries. Q: How do you recycle toilet paper? A: Hang it on the wall and bash the…

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Irish Quiz Answers

Some classic answers from Irish radio Just-a-minute quiz. Actual answers given to the bould Larry Gogan (Irish Radio Presenter). 1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword 2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the Capital of France? F 4) Name a bird with a long neck? Naomi Campbell 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital…

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Over 50 Ways to get rid of Blind Dates

1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…

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Murphy’s Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

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Elevator Anxiety

A white lady on a business trip arrived in LA in the heat of the rioting. She was very nervous and distressed about her safety, and the danger she felt, lurked around every corner. After checking in at the front desk she headed to the elevator. Upon arriving at the elevator, there were already 3 black men on it. She quickly debated with herself about the situation. “This is ridiculous, I have nothing to fear from these men, here in…

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Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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Car name acronyms

ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…

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