Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A blonde Texas city girl married a rancher. One morning on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to his new bride, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnant one of our cows today. I drove a nail in the two-by-four just above the cows stall in the barn. When he gets here, pease show him where the cow is ok.” The rancher leaves for the fields. The artificial insemination man shows up and…
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A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.” Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde…
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Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just can’t seem to get them tender.” The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?” The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a…
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A young tough robbed an elderly gentleman walking in his neighborhood. A week later he sees the gentleman walking again but this time he has a small dog that looks like a dachshund. The young tough decides to rob him again but decides to get a ferocious dog to take along. A few days later he sees the man walking with his dog and takes his dog to rob him. As he approaches, the elderly gentleman’s dog grabs the ferocious…
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The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…
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One evening, Charlie was feeling pretty light-headed from a couple of boilermakers when he rang the bell of the most expensive cat-house in town. “How ya doin’”, he said when the madam answered the door. “I want your mos’ adventurous girl.” The madam ushered him inside and sat him down. “You have to be a little more specific”, she said. “What do you mean by ‘adventurous’?” “Well when I’ve had a couple a lil drinks, sometimes I have a tough…
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A nerdy guy walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a couple of drinks. As the bartender is handing him a beer, the guy starts poking at this hand with one finger, and then holds his hand up to his ear and starts talking to it. The bartender is quite bewildered by this, so he says, “What are you doing?” “Well,” says the nerdy guy,” I am a CEO for a top telecommunications company. I have a digital…
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After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!” “No matter,”…
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A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and gives him a prescription for suppositories. “Take two of these a day and come back in two weeks”, said the doc. After two weeks, the guy returns and the doctor says, “Well, how did that medicine I prescribed work for you?” The guy says, “Doctor, for all the good those damned things did me, I coulda shoved ’em up my butt!”
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If 99.9% is good enough then… 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped/year 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled/hour 2,000,000 documents will be lost by the IRS this year 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers Two planes landed at Chicago’s O’Hare airport will be unsafe every day. 315 entries in Webster’s Dictionary will be misspelled 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year…
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