Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father’s wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became…
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There were 3 babies in a lady’s stomach. One day, they were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up. The first baby said, “I want to be an plumber when I grow up.” The other two asked why. He said, “Someone has to fix all the leaky pipes in here.” The second baby said, “I want to be an electrician.” The other two started laughing, and asked why. He said, “It’s kinda dark in here. Someone…
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My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the…
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There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…
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~The following are actual winning analogies in the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest~ They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers…
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Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked. “I could eat,” said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again…
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Three men were arguing which animal was the meanest. The first said, “A lion was meanest with big claws and teeth it could tear a person up in a second.” The second man said, “No, it has to be a rhinocerous with that big horn and thick hide it could tear a house down in a minute.” The third man said, “No, the meanest animal on earth is a crocagator.” The other two said, “What the hell is a crocagator.…
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One day a twenty-something man stepped out of the shower and caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He said to himself, “Hmmm – you know, if it weren’t for these tan lines, I’d have a great tan.” Unfortunately, this guy is too shy to go to a nude beach. But he is determined to have an even all-over tan. He begins to scout of isolated beaches, and he finally discovers one which is almost inaccessible. He decides that the…
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Two racehorses, Tony and Leo, always ran against each other in races. The results were always the same with Tony coming in first and Leo second. One day after losing again Leo says: “Hey Tony! How about next time you let me win? I’m tired of always coming in second.” To which Tony replies: “Well, okay, just this once.” The next day they line up at the gate, the guns goes and they are off. Leo is pouring his whole…
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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.” So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash…
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