Cold day Jokes - page 6

Fishing advice

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute…

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Mix

*Why do Bees hum? Because they don’t know the words. *Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work. *What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A Woolly Jumper. *Why do birds fly south in autumn? Because it is too far to walk. *What is yellow and very dangerous? Sharkinfested custard. *What has an eye and doesn’t cry? A needle. * When does Thursday come before Wednesday? In a dictionary. *What has wings and…

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My Mother taught

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION… “Just wait until your father gets home.” 2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING…. “You are going to get it when we get home!” 3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE… “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! … Don’t talk back to me” 4. My Mother taught me LOGIC… “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store…

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Saving the prez!!

One day Bill Clinton was out jogging and he accidently tripped and fell off a bridge into the cold water below… Three 10 year old boys were playing along the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped in and saved him and dragged him to shore. He was so thankful that he told each of them, “Boys, you just saved the President of the United States and each of you deserve a reward.” The first boy says,…

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SUPERMARKET TRAINING

A very dumb man applies for a job at the supermarket. He gets the job. The first day his training started. His boss said “I’ll pretend to be the customer and you make a sale to me.” “Okay, let’s start. Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?” “Umm…I dunno,” replied the trainee lamely. “No, no, no! You’re supposed to say, ‘A dollar seventy-five’!” scolded the boss. “Let’s try again.” “Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?”…

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The Witch and the spiders

Once there were these three REALLY stupid spiders. All they ever wanted was to be smart. So, one day, they decided that they would go to a witch and see if she could make them smart. “So, you want to be smart,huh?”, the witch asked. “Ok, I will make you smart but first, you must go out and learn three facts by yourselves to prove that you really want to be smart.” The spiders agreed and were on their way.…

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The Grasshopper & The Ant (Updated)

Classic Version – The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he?s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Modern Version – the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and…

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Food for Thought

Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice before eating that incredibly mind-boggling and oh so dangerous food: Bread! 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality…

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Special Perks

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day, as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man, casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt, got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she said in a scolding manner, “Dressed a little casually today, aren’t we?” The man replied, “That’s one benefit of owning the company!”

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