Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
“This is to hep yu’all who don’t have the plesur of livin in the sunny South, which is sometimes covered in ice! Those who do, will wunder why these wus ever wrote down in the furst place.” Sayings in the South: “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already ‘saucered and blowed.” “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” “My…
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1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…
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Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? As if bills aren’t distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels . . . I write, “Could you throw this away for me? Thank you.” — Andy Rooney
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Jake and Saul are two old widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on one another. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the “Obits” page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this event. He correctly…
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A young man was sitting in a coffee bar enjoying a Don Pedro. He noticed the piano player sitting down to play a few numbers. As the piano player sat down, he couldn’t help noticing the piano players testicles hanging over the edge of the seat. The young man ignored this and continued enjoying his drink. As the night progressed, the young man got more and more irratated with this situation, he eventually got up and addressed the piano player.…
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Here’s the background: Ian works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of UNH. (The University of New Hampshire, for those not from the East Coast of the U.S.) Vinnie is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Ian, this actually happened. Ian is telling the story. Her: Yes, I’d like a milk with some coffee in it. Me: So, that’s just a splash of coffee in a milk? Her: No, a…
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RESTROOM SIGNS Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men —Women’s restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Remember, it’s not, “How high are you?” it’s “Hi, how are you?” —Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. —Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina To do is to be – Descartes To be is to do – Voltaire Do be…
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A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?” she asks. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?” she inquires. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”…
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A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drinking it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, “I WON! I WON! I WONa motor home; I WON a motor home!” The waitress runs over and says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!” The blonde replies, “No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”…
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While waiting to buy a danish and some coffee, my girlfriend and I notice this huge hairy man making the danish up. He grabbed a piece of the dough, rolled it into a ball and raised his arm and putting the dough under his arm, slapped his arm back down onto the dough to flatten it out and placing it on the baking pan. My girlfriend was horrified at the sight of this. She cried out in disbelief at the…
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