Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 2. Memorize your favorite poem. 3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. 4. When you say, “I love you,” mean it. 5. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye. 6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 7. Believe in love at first sight. 8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. 9. Love deeply and…
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A retired couple was driving to Florida for the winter, when they were stopped by a highway patrolman in South Carolina. The patrolman approached the car, and noticed that is was an elderly couple, and the wife was driving. “Excuse me, Maam”, he said to the old woman, “Can I see your driver’s license please?” She then turned to her husband with puzzled look on her face. To this the old man screamed, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE!”…
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Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster that an ambulance… Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink… Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke… Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters… Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the…
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Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. As a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny. “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You see, I’ve been…
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If you receive and e-mail with a subject line of “Armageddon”, delete it immediately without ever reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus the earth has ever seen. It will re-write your hard drive in Braille. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and low-fat milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit…
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A young lady empties her shopping cart on the checkout counter. She has bought: 1 toothbrush 1 lambchop 1 potato 1 carrot 1 pint of milk 1 apple As the checkout guy is scanning her purchases, he glances up at her and says “Single, huh?” “Oh, you’re so fucking clever,” she snaps, “How’d you ever guess?” “Because you’re ugly.”
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A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing!” the woman said. “How OLD ARE you?” “Twenty-six,” he said.
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When Bill Clinton completed five years of his Presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. He so instructed Hillary, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released, and Clinton was pleased. But, within a few days of release, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called Hillary and ordered her to investigate the matter. Hillary checked at several post offices…
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A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house. “Would ye look at that, Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinnin’ in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted…
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A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said. “I guess I’ve let myself go.” The physician was checking her eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.” “Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Not…
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