Cats Jokes - page 2

Thoughts from Mom

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Everyone has a photographic memory; some don’t have film. The universe is a figment of its own imagination. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those who can’t. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard…

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Black Panties

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly calls her and urges her to go get back into the world. Finally, Sadie agrees to go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit! They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks…

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Tough Cat, Even Tougher Dog!

One night out on the back yard fence, 3 tom cats happen to meet, and start bragging about which one is the toughest. The first cat says, “Hey boys, I’ve caught up to 100 mice in a single night… I’m the best mouser around!” The second cat says,” That’s nothing, I can eat 10 boxes of catnip and it doesn’t even give me a buzz!!” The third cat just turns around and starts walking back down the fence..The other 2…

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Big plane, little plane

One day a curious little boy went to his mom and said “Mommy mommy, I’ve noticed that big dogs have litlle dogs and big cats have little cats, so how come big planes don’t have little planes?” The mother looked at her boy and said, “I don’t know, ask your father.” So the boy goes and finds his dad. “Daddy, Daddy!” he yelled. “Why do big dogs have little dogs and big cats have little cats, but big planes don’t…

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bunch of jokes

What did the priest say when he saw mosquitoes in church? Let us spray. Why did the witches stop work? Because they needed to rest a spell. Why are people fatter In the morrning? They are WIDE awake. What shape is an empty parrot cage? A polygon What would a lawyer do if his wife pushes him down the tollet? Sewer Where do you buy rude T-shirts? The menSWEAR department What type of cowboy lends money? A lone (loan) ranger…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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FUNNY bumper stickers

“I love cats…they taste just like chicken” “Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.” “Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death” “Cover me. I’m changing lanes.” “As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in publicschools” “The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.” “Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.” “Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.” “REHAB is for quitters” “I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!” “Sometimes I…

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Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second^2 takes over. Cartoon Law II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on…

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Dogs and Men

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME 1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both mark their territory. 4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. 5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. 6. Neither does any dishes. 7. Both fart shamelessly. 8. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. 9. Both like dominance games. 10. Both are suspicious of the postman. 11. Neither…

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Little Johnny and the Eel

Seven-year-old little Johnny, like other boys his age, are rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered just what it was all about. One day he asked his mother, and she became quite flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains later that night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. So he did this, and the next morning he gave this…

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