Cat person Jokes - page 3

1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…

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Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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A cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a…

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1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful valley, where the grass grew green and the people were happy. A river flowed through the center of this valley, providing life and water to all who needed it. Also in this valley lived the Twids. The Twids were friendly people, but they were very small. In fact, Twids were about the height of an average person’s knees. Anyway, these twids lived happily and in harmony with the world around them. On…

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Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He…

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