Carrie Jokes - page 4

Golden Frog

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn’t often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each. The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog…

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Soap and Water

A pastor reluctantly accepted a dinner invitation from one of his parishioners named Mrs. Brown. Knowing that Mrs. Brown had a reputation of being an unkempt housewife, the pastor was understandably apprehensive when he sat down at the dinner table in Mrs. Brown’s home. Looking at the plates closely, the pastor said, “Mrs. Brown, excuse me for asking. It seems these dinner plates have not been washed yet. Are you sure these plates are clean?” Mrs. Brown laughed and said,…

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egg

There was an egg in a pub and a woman comes over and begins to chat him up. They have a dance and at the end of the night the woman asks him if he wants to go back to her place. He says ‘OK’ so he collects his bag and leaves. When they get to her house she says, ‘I’m just going to slip into something more comfortable’ She returns wearing a small purple garment. The egg who always…

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Where’s Marian?

One day, a kid and his mom went to the local supermarket for some shopping. The mother got carried away with her shopping, and the kid got lost. The six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, “Marian, Marian!” Finally, reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, “You shouldn’t call me, ‘Marian.’ I’m your mother, you know . . .” “I know, Mom,” said the child, “but the store is FULL of mothers!”

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Divert YOUR Course

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95. CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. AMERICANS:…

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How to screw up an interview

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…

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Crashing

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation. While walking, the…

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Whew! My cigs are okay!

A carpet layer had worked all day installing wall-to-wall carpeting. He noticed a lump under the carpet in the middle of the living room, he felt his shirt pocket for his cigarettes–they were gone. He was not about to pull the carpet back up, so he went outside for a two-by-four. Stamping down cigarettes with it would be easy. Once the lump was smoothed, the man gathered up his tools and carried them to his truck. Then two things happened…

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