Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
* If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. * Learn to work the toilet seat. When the lid is up, put it down. * Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to find that perfect present….again. * If you ask a question you don’t want an answered, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. * Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. * Sunday sports — it’s like the full moon, or the…
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A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.…
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A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note. The note said: 1 lb Italian sausage 2 lbs Pork chops So the butcher filled the order, made change for the…
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A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows – It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses!…
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You and your teeth don’t sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When happy hour…
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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How is the singing career going?” Stevie Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf?” Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.” Stevie wonder says, “I always find that why my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for awhile and not think about it. Then, the next time I play,…
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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation. While walking, the…
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A New York boy was being led through the swamps of South Louisiana one night by his cousin. “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?” The cousin smirked and replied, “Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight.”
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She Was So Blond… …she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”. …she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. …she got stabbed in a shoot-out. …she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DONT WALK”. …she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. …she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. …she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. …she tried…
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This woman’s husband dies, and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, “How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke now?” The widow says, “Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And, of course, I had to make the…
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