Car door Jokes - page 15

Bored Old Lady

These four ladies were playing cards one Monday, and the 91-year-old lady said, “I am getting bored. I think I will get a job.” Well, the other three ladies started laughing and said,”Where do you think you could find a job?” She replied, “I don’t know, but I am going to try.” A week went by, and they were playing cards again. The little 91-year-old lady said, “Well, I got a job.” The others again started laughing and asked, “Where…

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Good Dog

A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note. The note said: 1 lb Italian sausage 2 lbs Pork chops So the butcher filled the order, made change for the…

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Genie-ous

A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows – It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses!…

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‘bozo’ index

Just in case we need any additional proof that the “bozo index” is at all time highs (and going higher), consider these for-real label instructions on consumer goods: ************************************* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that…

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Blonde Bank Robbers

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde in great detail. The robbery begins. The first blonde drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other blonde, “I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you…

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Per-PET-ual Motion

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A…

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Lil Johnny

Lil’ Johnny on Politics Lil’ Johnny goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny- well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him The…

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