Brow Jokes - page 5

Definitely

A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?” First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray or orange, or……” Second a little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.” “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.” Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: “Does a fart have lumps?” The Teacher looks horrified and…

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Help for Men Everywhere

Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. Here are helpful hints: DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: Wow! Look at you! DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER:…

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The smartest blonde.

There are three blondes washed up on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde…

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Axioms for the Internet Age

1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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the blonde family

The blond family was the perfect american family –mom, dad, brother, and little sister…and of course they all had blonde hair and blue eyes!! One day little sister found a brunette wig and put it on, she went in the bathroom and put on some of mom’s mascara, and put in some brown contacts… Then she went and found her dad and said. “Daddy, daddy, look I’m a brunette, look dad!!!” Well, dad didn’t even look up from the tv.…

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Easter!

The Easter bunny came to my house today. Well he didn’t come inside, but rather, he hopped around my yard for a while. Really he didn’t hop, it was more like he walked around the yard. I was quite surprised by his appearance. In fact he didn’t look much like I always thought he would. He was furry and brown; he also walked on four legs and had large teeth. I was really excited when he began hiding chocolate eggs…

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Telemarketing experiences…

As an ex-telemarketer, a couple of incidents happened to me… Let me share them with ya! Me: Hi, may I speak to Mr. Jones? Mr: Speaking. Me: This is Susan calling from Mutual Medical Insurance. Mr: Am I insured with you? Me: No, but we’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will take care of almost all your medical expences. Mr: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Me: We’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will…

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Interesting Facts (again)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outward to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (Lucky Pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans, whales and dolphins are the only species that have sex for…

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