Breasts Jokes - page 4

A Visit to the Pediatrician’s Office

A beautiful, buxomy woman carrying a baby paid a visit to the pediatrician. She complained, “Doctor, there must be something wrong with the baby. Instead of gaining weight, he had already lost three ounces since last week.” The pediatrician placed the baby on the examining table and proceeded to examine him. Then he reached over and squeezed the woman’s breasts. After that, he unbuttoned her blouse, unstrapped her bra and proceeded to suck her nipple powerfully. “No wonder,” declared the…

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Read JokeA Visit to the Pediatrician’s Office

Thanksgiving Quotes that Sound Dirty but Aren’t

Talk about huge breasts! Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist! It’s Cool Whip time. If I don’t undo my pants I’ll burst. Whew, that’s a terrific spread I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Are you ready for seconds yet? It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it? Just wait your turn, you’ll get some. Don’t play with your meat. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in. Do you think you’ll…

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Read JokeThanksgiving Quotes that Sound Dirty but Aren’t

Mirror, mirror

One day a gentleman and his wife were shopping in an antiques store when she happened across an old, sadly-tarnished mirror. He was indifferent to the pending purchase, and as the woman haggled over price with the attendant, the history of the mirror was revealed. The attendant stated that this was a magic mirror and any wish which was cast upon it would come true. The only stipulation was that the wish must be asked in the form of a…

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Head of Lettuce

A woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a number of times a man approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She tells him no. He says that he would like to know what she is doing at the beginning of each aisle. She says she is trying to remember her grocery…

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Preps for the test

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home. EXERCISE #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of…

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Read JokePreps for the test

shopping for chicken

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. “Don’t worry, lady ,” he said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.” Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will…

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Things girls think guys should know

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big…

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Read JokeThings girls think guys should know

breast enlargements

A woman went for a breast enlargement. The doctor said, “Which kind would you like? You have two options. One is silicone which is expensive. The other is a less expensive pill, but it is still in the experimental stages. There might be side effects.” She chose the pill which was much cheaper. The doctor told her to come back in three weeks for a check-up. When she went for her return visit, the doctor said, “Those pills really worked!…

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Wrinkles

A middle-aged guy says to his wife,”You should go bra-less.” She says, “Do you think my breasts are still perky enough?” He says, “No, but maybe it’d pull the wrinkles out of your face.”

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Gay Head

For those of you who don’t know, Gay Head is the name of a small town on Martha’s Vineyard, now renamed to Aquinna (I can’t imagine why they renamed it). It is known for its fabulous beach and stunning red cliffs overlooking the beach. On my recent vacation, I decided to go there for the day. Feeling a little brave, I decided to head for the Northwest end of the beach. This is where bathing suits are optional. As I…

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Read JokeGay Head