Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
“I don’t want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defense system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace.” ?Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 23, 2000 “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 “If I’m the president, we’re going to…
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1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…
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1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…
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Why the Chicken Crossed the Road… In the Words of the Star Wars Characters YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great. DARTH VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side. LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is…totally different. LEIA: I don’t know…but I have a bad feeling about this. HAN: Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you’re gonna be a permanent resident! C3P0: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing…
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1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…
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When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…
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One poor old fellow is driving along one day and has a really bad car accident… he wakes up in hospital and can only see out of one eye… the doctor looks at him and say “I’m sorry, but we had to replace one of your eyes… with a rounded piece of rimu tree” So when he gets out of hospital his mate comes round and tries to cheer him up by taking him to the bar. When they get…
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Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’” said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did…
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SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…
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I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung…
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